I sat on my bed and said it several times out loud, "I am going to live forever!"
It sounded sort of silly to verbalize it, and as soon as I said it a few times another thought came to mind, no wonder non-believers think we're crazy! This is crazy! Call me crazy then. I believe it with my whole heart.
O the things that have happened since this realization! I had my first ever panic attack. Yep. A panic attack.
I was home alone reading a book about a chinese pastor in the late 1800's. In this book, the author described things so horrific that I literally threw the book. I began to shake uncontrollably, sweating, feeling nauseous, cold, and terrified. I kept saying "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, come back, Jesus..."
The book collided with some thoughts I have been having about where our own country is headed. My brain got stuck in an unknown future. Unknown to me that is. My future however is completely known to my great Savior.
God has been so gracious to me! I am completely confident that His hand was even in my panic attack, and I am grateful.
Since then, my heart is filled to the brim with compassion for people. All people. God's people. The world's people. Hurting and broken people. This is the Spirit leading me, and I praise Him for it.
Also, my mind cannot let go of eternity! Praise the LORD!
I am becoming confident (only by His grace, for I can do nothing without it), in the Holy Spirit's ability to lead my steps. That is where I want to be!! I can trust that following Him will come with suffering, because He told me so. I think about all of God's messengers, His prophets. What agony they all endured for Him! Though they loved the people and wept for them, they loved and feared their God more. Enough to endure such hardships and even death by persecution.
Suffering, whether it be physical or emotional, will not be wasted when we suffer with and for Christ (Phil. 3:10). We can trust Romans 5:3 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
So if I suffer, I suffer for Christ and for future hope.
I believe the Spirit of God will give me the grace I need to endure all things at the right time. He will also give me the ability to speak His truth powerfully. My eyes must stay Heavenward.
I have been a fool. A fool for loving Jesus only for this life. Jesus is not God of the dead, but of the living! My body will die, but I myself will live forever. Where is my hope? Certainly not in this broken world.
1 Corinthians 15:9 "If only for this life we hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men."
I am done living pitifully. You?
